When someone is hurting or going through something difficult, it can be incredibly challenging to know what to say. I sometimes struggle for the right words.
Less than two months ago, I lost my father after a long illness with lung disease. Our relationship was complicated. I struggled all my life for his approval, and we often did not agree. But… I still loved him. I didn’t know how I was going to react to his final passing. The struggle with the sense of finality has been profound, and I am still processing.
At the funeral, his sisters were distraught and, at times, inconsolable. I had no words. I wanted to give them comfort as I put my grief aside, but all I could do was hold them and give them my love as best I could. I had no words.
I recently came upon an article that touched me. Rhiannon Webb shares a powerful (inter)personal toolkit. The most valuable thing you can say to someone who is going through a hard time is, “How can I love you best right now?”
These simple words struck me deeply.
Maybe because I had just lost my father. Perhaps because I thought of the times, I found it incredibly challenging to find the words to comfort a colleague, a friend, a daughter, or a stranger that I sensed was hurting.
This simple phrase is powerful because it says, “I respect you and trust that you have the wisdom to know what you need best right now.”
The words reinforce that you genuinely care about the person’s wellbeing. They do not project any of your own pain or uneasiness that could potentially put a burden on the other person. They say that this person is deserving of love.
As I thought about this more, saying the word “love” in a professional setting may not always be acceptable. So how then, can you offer your concern and love to an employee or colleague?
“How can I care for you best right now?”
Adding this to your (inter)personal toolkit, you are opening the door without projecting your own thoughts on how to ease their pain. You are offering your heartfelt concern and compassion.
In the end, make sure you listen to the answer and respond in kind.
Know that you are helping to alleviate someone’s loneliness and suffering when you offer these simple and gentle words. This will go a long way in helping them feel valued and loved.
One by one, our thoughts, words and actions have the power to collectively spread a message of compassion and kindness. Be love. Be kind. Give even when it’s not comfortable.
How can I love YOU best right now?
